To err is human, to forgive divine

I felt a soft, tiny hand gently stroking my face. I slowly opened my eyes and her big brown eyes swam into focus, peering at mine. Her little voice said: “Che che, why are you crying?”

If only she knew.

“So I’m the one in wrong now?”

“So I’m supposed to be proud now is it?”

“All these years, you have NEVER listened…”

“Every time, I am just repeating myself…”

“Name me one thing that you’ve changed.. just ONE thing..”

“I am repeating myself again..”

“Enough.”

Since that day, I knew you are gone.

Maybe you’ve never been there in the first place.

Maybe I was just lying to myself.

Guess you are right, hate to admit it but you’ve always been right.

I am sorry, just not worthy of you.

It hurt so much.

No stranger to pain

It’s the fragility that scares you.

Its the reality that bites you in the ass, real hard.

Suddenly, am feeling like a child again. Vulnerable.

I wish it didn’t have to happen and that it was all a bad dream.

I wish the doctor was wrong.

God, carry me through this, will You?

Why Don’t You Walk a Mile In My Boots?

All has been said and done.

I am now in Singapore, on a mc for two days. (Damn, why does the second day have to come so fast?!) Yep, you got it right, I’m slaving away in Singapore for a meagre wage with colossal stress.  Yes I know, I know - Welcome to life.

Backtracking a little.

I leaped into the homebound plane from Aussie on Valentine’s Day right into the open arms of my loving family. Strange. Didn’t seem to miss them all that much when I was in Aussie.

My bag was stolen at South Perth, along with it, XY’s. Everything was in it, well, except my cellphone and housekeys. Shellshocked but theres nothing to be done. I cried.

Was informed less than 24 hours later that my beloved grandfather passed away. Never going to see those weather-worn hands which once held my tiny ones, making ice cream. I cried.

Hid in my room and cried till there aren’t any tears left to grace my puffy cheeks. Called him but there wasn’t any answer. There wasn’t going to be an answer for the next 2 months. I cried.

By now, my fight-or-flight mechanism has probably been activated so many times its probably malfunctioned. Haha.

Several weeks later, I came home from work to a slightly ajar front door, splinters of wood jutting out from where the lock was. My house was broken into. That sick realization was further exacerbated with my own room lock hanging forlornly by the slivers of cheap wood, staring back at me. And I knew all was lost.

And we’re back to the present.

Bummed around for a couple of months, barely 2 in fact, before landing myself here. It wasn’t a bed of roses. But it was made bearable with occasional visits from friends and family which punctuated my unrelenting boredom spells.

Rollerbladed for the first time in my life at East Coast Park. If you must know, my white shorts remained white. Heh.

Looking forward to a weekend getaway. Probably Bali. *Shrugs* My (boring) life needs a little more than mere spontaneity.

21 Things To Do Before You Turn 21

21 Things To Do Before You Turn 21
Taken from http://www.seventeen.com/college-career/21-things-csp-0606

1. Take a road trip.
Mapping the route, singing at the top of your lungs, and discovering new towns with friends is the ultimate bonding experience.

2. Learn to play a musical instrument.
I
can play only a few chords, but I love the expressive power of music —
and the possibility that one day you can learn to create something
beautiful through it.

3. Go skinny-dipping!
It’s the
most liberating thing ever. You have to let go of your insecurities
when you take off your clothes. But you’re hidden by the water — so
it’s like bending the rules. Who decided we have to wear clothes,
anyway?

4. Save $1,000.
Just seeing that big number in your bank account is rewarding — knowing you did it alone.

5. Know your grandparents.
Ask
them (or your parents) about their lives at your age. You might be
shocked by how much insight they have — and the crazy things they did!

6. Buy a lottery ticket.
But just one. Everyone should take one million-to-one shot in their lives — it’s fun to dream such a big and outrageous dream.

7. Win an award.
It
doesn’t matter if it’s a contest for role models or pie-eating — you
can be the best at something. And there’s no fulfillment quite like
everyone else knowing it too.

8. Say "I love you."
It
takes courage to be vulnerable. But it’s the only way to create the
possibility that someone will love you back the way you deserve.

9. Learn to drive a stick shift.
You
never know when you’ll get into a situation where you may need to know
how. Plus, in terms of gas, these cars are better on your wallet.

10. Milk a cow.
I was terrified to do it, but conquering this small thing helped me do even bigger scary stuff.

11. Forgive someone.
A
girl wrote "b****" on my locker when I was 16, and it always ate away
at me inside. But when I made amends with her, the bad feelings
evaporated.

12. Have your fortune told.
Sure, it’s kind of silly. But doing it is really a reminder that in the end, only you hold the power to chart your own destiny.

13. Go to a drive-in.
Seriously,
the best place on earth! Where else can you watch a movie, get a great
burger, talk and walk around with friends, and see the stars — all at
the same time?

14. Do your own laundry.
It’s the first step on the long (but gratifying) road to independence.

15. Ride a horse.
Okay,
it might sound cheesy, but when you connect with this animal and the
wind blows through your hair, it’s the closest feeling to real freedom.

16. Donate your formal dresses.
You’ll give someone the chance to be a princess for one night. (And, yes, it’s okay to feel like one!)

17. See the ocean.
I felt so small next to this huge, timeless thing — and it inspired me to make the most of my life.

18. Waitress at least once.
Serving someone is humbling, plus it teaches you how to communicate and multitask — two skills you’ll use forever.

19. See one thing that is "the world’s largest."
Even if it’s just a frying pan — at least it can be your temporary claim to fame!

20. Leave the country.
Going to England, I realized how narrow my world really was — and that travel was the best way I could expand it.

21. Learn how to love your body.
I’m just now starting to feel perfect as I am because I have knobby knees and moles — not in spite of them.

The ones in red are the ones I have not done. The list is not exhaustive however. There are so many things to achieve, so many places to go, and so much shopping to be done! =p

Babi panggang, anyone?

I have a confession to make. No, make that two.

I’ve been skipping meals.
I’ve been skipping Church.

There. Confessions. Not so difficult is it?

The only thing that might prove to be difficult is the final paper on Monday 8.30am. Finance Corporate and I? We don’t exactly get along. We try. And we’ll see. While everyone’s pouring over textbooks, Ive been perusing books of another nature. No, not blue books people, storybooks. Academic reading bores the pants out of me. As the end of semester draws closer, a sense of apprehension looms over. Most of my kaki are flying home, enjoying a blessed respite from the accursed heat while I sweat it out here. Literally. =( Babi panggang, anyone?

Enjoy your summer holidays. *hugs*

Hey There XY!

<b>Mid<b/> sem break has kicked off with a bang.*thinks*  Well not really, come to think of it, its crept up stealthily and it will leave as quickly as it comes. When all else is fleeting and transient, there ARE things that last a lifetime. (i Hope, with a capital H) *chuckles*

Sometimes joy is found in the simplest things in life, spending time with loved ones etc. With MOST of my loved ones back home, I think God took pity on me and decided: "Hey, you know what? Maybe I’ll send Danielle a raspberry-jelly-making-angel to keep her company." And this very angel happens to live 76 steps away from me place. Haha. And boy, was she the sweetest stuff ever. =p Well, being sweet isn’t her only trait, XY is also extremely blur (like sotong). It adds to the cuteness factor I guess. *shrugs* =D God bless her!

Kanoodling with Kebabs

1st Aug 2007

I grabbed an AO bar from the benchtop, swung open the door and begun racing like a mad dog to Uni. Thoughts like "Shit, PLEASE don’t let me be late, its my first day at Uni AND work oke???" swirled in my head as I juggled my books and umbrella. A quick glance revealed it was only quarter past eleven, not too shabby, I thought as I heaved a tiny sigh of relief. As I unwrapped that goodie bar, I was wondering if there were any ways I could cut my showering time into half. None. So much for being EARLY for Uni. (For those of you who are ignorant, I was almost, always late for classes back home. Its tradition oke?) Walking briskly, I begun chomping on that goodie bar, occasionally sloshing about in several puddles. Ugh, wouldn’t have minded so much if it were slush. =D Fat hopes.

I dashed into the Kebab shop at half past eleven, just right on the dot. =D After washing my hands and donning my tiny apron, I got down to business. People begun streaming in then, there were 5 of us casuals at the counter, so space is a luxury, naturally. I also found out most of us were fellow Msians, small world la. After slapping about 6 or so piping hot pita breads on my palm (there were 2 sheets of skinner-than-thee papers between my palm and the pita but even the lousiest 1-ply toilet paper is wayyyyyy thicker), my palm was coloured deep pink and appeared to be slightly swelling. Job hazzard! Sigh. Kiam cai mia la, what to do? By the time I got off my shift, my palm was like that of Muhammad Ali’s glove oredi - big and conspicuously red as a lobster.

Clutching my toasted hand, I made my way to I.M Lecture only to find there were no familiar faces around. (I would LOVE to blog about the comical events that are about to follow BUT in the face of social repercussions, you’d have to msn me about it oke? =D) Anyway, although the Sg lecturer spent about a quarter of an hour introducing (bragging about) her work experiences, the lecture wasn’t as boring as it was made out to be. =) Next up was Capstone class, which left my head swimming with jargons and I also met DT from home! What a pleasant surprise this was! So this is where he went, no wonder I didn’t see him around. =D The walk back home was quiet, save for the fact that my stomach was protesting really loudly. Really can’t wait to get online! =)

Bigger | Better | Bad-der!

First things first, I’m not exactly eating my words oke, lest some of you accuse me of not honoring my previous post. I miss blogging. You miss my posts. Period. =)

Oke ppl, listen up and listen well. Today is a day of extreme significance. Today is the day of the emancipation of the slave ky. Bloody hell, today totally justifies the following:
CELEBRATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Well not exactly on a big scale, we have reports to rush too, you know? And um, projects. And er, stuffs.)
Yes Sir, my (hellish) mid-semester exams officially ended today. Champagne, baby? .gg

Anyway, I’m really pleased & to reward myself for the (innumerable) tumultuous times I was (forcefully) put through.. Well, I have yet to decide. Maybe I’ll go find MB. .gg That’s a definite. Heh. How about a shopping spree? *Wallet & GN begins to wail in tormented agony* Cruel la. =D Oke la, its time for sum ‘vigorous exercise’. Yeah, painting my nails IS considered strenuous activity oke? =p See yall in a bit!

P/S: Subsequent post is comin’ right up! Keep your heads up! /smack (No, not THAT head, FS..)

Happy New Year, folks!

Call it a new lease in life, or simply an irrational impulse, this would be the first and last post in the year 2007. I will cease blogging, for now. Who knows? Sumwhere down the road, I might blog again, then again, might not. Anyway, everything needs a closure, (this goes for you too, Mon Cherie) perhaps year 2006 could best be summed up in this text:

"The year is almost gone but it has also made us strong.

The path was long but we walked it with a song.

There were fears and tears,

but we also had reason for cheers.."

Mon Cherie, c’est la vie.. This is just another stage in life, another lesson to learn, another chance to grow. Cheer up, buddy. =) Now, not unlike the text, I would like to end my blog in on a lighter note, it’s more bearable for you guys too. Have a splendid new year.

Pandora’s Box

If you have read an earlier entry of mine, Creepy Crawlies, perhaps you would not find this post as foreign as it is. Throwing the bathroom light on, I caught a gleam of brownish black scurrying diagonally to the bin. Fuck. So small brother Keong has decided to chaperon me on my unconventionally late visit to the loo after all. How delightful. And this time, it IS rather small, a pubescent ’siew keong’. What a pity, such a bright future ahead. No stranger to eliminating uninvited guests, I crept up stealthily till I was right behind the poor chap with my canister, playing God. Raising the canister, I took my aim, squeezed my eyes shut and jammed my fingers on it, all the while hovering like a chicken ready to sprint. No ‘psssssstt’ spewed out from the canister. My eyes flew open. Shit. How can you let me down at a moment like this? Shook the canister violently and tried again. Okay. So the canister is officially on the small brother Keong’s side eh? No matter. The floor wash was beckoning to me, pleading to aid me in my never-ending quest of annihilating small brother Keong. With my eyes darting back and forth between the floor wash and small brother Keong, I remembered ANOTHER canister was down the hall. Hallelujah. Silly me. Hehes. I returned to find the little bugger missing. Darn. Anyhow, I sprayed at where I last found him, that got him scuttling around from beneath the bin. Gotcha. Since this adolescent little git isn’t an airborne RAF pilot (yet), it’s safe to remain perched on top of the toilet seat.

Watching him twitch and jerk in the last few seconds of his life would have been rewarding had something else in the wall crack not catch my attention. I saw legs. Plenty of legs. Which could only mean one thing: centipede(s). Oh, the friends I have all around. The gassing session earlier must have drove him out. Had I not gassed small brother Keong, the little centipede would not have emerged. Sometimes, if given the choice, I’d choose not to know too much about something. Moreover, dig too deep, it will be like opening a Pandora’s box, filled to the brim with baleful misfortunes and nasty surprises, not unlike the little centipede…